Real Talk (5).

This is already hard enough as it is, and truthfully I'm scared to death of my past catching up to me;

..but for you I will.

Life&Music.

T: What happened, why didn't they work out?

S: What always happens; life.

--

This will probably be my last blog post about this stuff for a while, but it's not for the lack of desire or content. I think I've just exhausted every different way of describing us with all these "Lessons" posts since the summer. There's really not much more I can say that I haven't already written, so this time I think I'll just let the music do the talking instead, and maybe find words other than my own to paint the canvas.

What Is Joy?

I would spend time explaining how the CKE went, but this is so much easier.

--

To those that passed; congrats, and to those that will conquer it in May; have faith.

Real Talk (4).

Tomorrow is weighing on my heart like a ball and chain, and what's worse is that I know without a doubt that the next six weeks are going to be brutal as well. They're either going to be a testament to my character or they will break me. No matter what though, it's starting to look like I'm going to have to face it out there on my own, and defy some odds along the way too.

I'm afraid, but I don't need sympathy or empty, pretentious words. Just some faith is fine, thanks.

Rise and grind, Vic.

Actions Speak Volumes.

How can I believe a single thing you say anymore? Those words come from the same lips that once kissed me, spoke about having a lifetime together, about being the one, about how happy and perfect we were, and how much you wanted to do it right this time around.

The same words that used to melt my heart and remind me of why I fell in love with you in the first place now make me question why I gave you all of me and held steadfast to a future that you never saw. I trusted all that you said, and even thought more than once that maybe I was the one who wasn't good enough for us. And then, you showed me once again that some things never change.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You tore down what we had, and this time, took my trust in you as well.

In God's Hands.

REAL TALK:

God blessed my parents with an only son, and then blessed me with many brothers who look out for me just as I do for them. So here's some champagne for my real friends, and some real pain for my sham friends.

--

And maybe you're right. Maybe I have no idea what love is because I'm not as experienced, but I know that what we had was probably the closest I've come to it. And if we wanted it half as badly as we said we did, we would have found a way to make it, not lose it in a few days.

What happened to having great faith and never giving up?

But Forever's Come and Gone.

"I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same."

--

I'm not even going to sit here and pretend like this isn't breaking me. Every relationship has its issues; it's all about making adjustments. But as soon as either side loses the willingness to try or no longer believes, there's nothing left to save other than to watch the foundations crumble in real-time.

It doesn't matter if she says all the right things, or how perfect it was, or how willing you are to change for the better, or if you both know that you two probably could have made it through with a little effort, at the end of the day nothing can change the fact that;

..she gave up on you, Vic.

Doesn't this make more sense on this blog?

Real Talk (3).

"Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control over; the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand."

--
I always thought the future was a simple concept; either you see us on our wedding day, holding our first child and growing old together, or you don't. As long as I kept my eyes on what we could be, we would make it there no matter what.

But at the same time, God used Grace's call to worship today to remind me that if you forget to appreciate what you have in the present, you won't get a chance at the future that you've been so focused on. Maybe I shouldn't be in such a hurry to get to where we will be and just enjoy today for what it is. Whether tomorrow comes or not is out of my hands, but at least I've done all I can today.

Real Talk (2).

Not everyone is willing to live with each other's shortcomings, but I know no matter what flaws I may see, they would never be worth giving up the future over.

Who would've thought all these pebbles could crumble a fortress now?

--
A lesson that I blogged about in the midst of the chaos pretty much serves as a good reminder this time around too;

"Life is a challenge. Don't give up too easily, don't hang on too long, and don't lose yourself along the way."

In the end you can only do your part and leave the rest to God.

Co-signed.

we're like fire and rain
you can drive me insane
but i can't stay mad at you for anything
we're venus and mars
we're like different stars
but you're the harmony to every song i sing

..we're perfectly imperfect, and i wouldn't change a thing.