This Day Last Year.

"Time please slow down, my years been moving so quick,
I'd like to think I'm still the same Vic, just a little bit grown up.."

- Regret, released July 2010

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As the weather become warmer and we creep up into May, I'm starting to really notice how fast time flies. It's almost been a year since I left for my hometown and Dubai, and as I stop to witness the path that I've taken, I no longer only see bitterness, chaos and pain.

I see growth.

I see reason.

And I see all these handprints in my past and I'm thinking;

It's probably time for me to pour cement on it.

This Is Your Life, Are You Who You Want To Be?

I haven't blogged a lot lately because it's tax busy season and I've been pulling 60 hour weeks and working through holidays, but this past weekend I ended up clearing a lot of work off my desk, and as a result I had my first days off in a long while.

Maybe it's the stress, or maybe it's my health, but recently I've been questioning what the purpose of my life really is. This "going-through-the-motions" lifestyle is so mundane, so bland. I've always had my vision set on where I want to get to in the future and which path I would take to get there, but somewhere along the line I lost sight of all those things and started staring at my feet and counting the paces instead.

I guess dealing with the aftermath of my breakup, or just dealing with that whole relationship in general I think, has derailed me somewhat. When you're too focused on looking back at what was, you won't ever see where you're heading.

So, back to this weekend. I spent some time on the same court I stood at last October when I was in the midst of all the chaos and the drama, and just revelled at how time flies and how quickly things change. It's almost been six months since I put up shots there, praying for God to hear all the pleas that were running through my head and for answers that I was so desperately searching for. The winter has come and gone like the girl I thought I was meant to be with, and as I come to peace with that, God took the time to remind me that I shouldn't be comparing the direction of my life to those around me. To be honest, I've struggled to accept my position. I want to do great things in life. I want to see the world, and change it too. I want to do something dramatic like everyone else is doing, and sometimes I'm jealous that while they have the opportunity to, I sit at my cubicle preparing tax returns to make rich people richer. But at the end of the day, we all live with different dreams, and with different purposes and under different plans.

There was a father at the court with his two daughters. I took the time to wish him a happy Easter, just sort of enjoyed watching him shoot around with his older girl and race his younger one and ended up playing around with them a little bit before I left. It was a good feeling, seeing fatherhood up close and being reminded of how my dad did the same with me. Back before the winter came, I asked God to judge me for the man that I was, and guide me to the man I would be. His answer finally came, albeit a bit delayed, and through this stranger who I befriended, I saw the man I could become.

My dream is to start a good family, be a good father, and raise my kids to be the best that they can be. Because that's what my father did, and that;

that's the man I want to become.

Strangers, again.

"What do you think will happen if we don't end up together? Are we going to hate each other? Think we'll keep in touch?"

...

"I think that if life separates us, and we end up being in totally different places, we'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time. And I'll be thankful for that.

And I hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. I think that's the best we can wish for."

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Words I Never Said / Black and Yellow.

I know, I know.. better late than never, but never late is better. Wrote this one a few weeks ago during the fallout of my relationship. I find that sometimes we let words get in the way, but other times we fail to make them count. Discovering the right balance between saying what you mean and meaning what you say is the real challenge. Oh, and an extra tidbit at the end to switch up my style.

Lately I've also been working with Clem a lot besides my music, so we have a couple more creative shorts on the way. Guess we're going headfirst back into the world of video production. Enjoy for now.

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The Prodigal Son.

So I went to fellowship for the first time in five years, and everything was pretty much the way I left it. And as I become more involved with worship ministry I catch myself wondering sometimes why I ever took Zion Alliance for granted. We may not have the church space or the big gym that other churches have, our preachers may not be as articulate or as well-spoken, and our worship team can be patchy at times, but I wouldn't trade what we have for anything.

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I was brought to Zion over eight years ago, and I left four years later amidst drama, immaturity, irresponsibility and poor judgment. I let down the worship team and everyone who believed in me back then because I allowed my pride to become an obstacle I chose not to overcome.

As time passed, any inclination I had of returning started to fade as well. It's clear to me now when I think back to early last year why God brought someone into my life that could challenge me to retrace my steps as a Christian and to rediscover what church really meant to me. That same person also encouraged me to become involved in ministry again and although we may never recapture what we once had, I will forever be indebted to her for rekindling my faith.

Now that I'm settling back into Zion, I'm starting to understand just how the prodigal son felt in the arms of his father.

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I tweeted earlier today something I felt has always been true, but often overlooked.

If you have skeletons in your closet, the only way to bury them is to open it up and face what you put away.