VLOG #1 - DLRA

DLRA - Day in the Life of a Random Asian (real creative I know..)

Just an innovative attempt to promote my music and something different from writing clever prose and excessive words on this blog. Lots of moments showing the worst of me I guess, but the realest at the same time. Good times with friends never grow old -- so live your life for today and enjoy it.

As a first timer with no experience, I wanted to do something simple, so I just brought my camera around with me for a whole day on July 28th, 2010. For those that are curious about just how boring my life is, here you have it. I'm really not exaggerating when I say all I do is ball, play music and chill with the boys.. with some random singing in between.

I probably won't do this often (too much work), but if you're interested or if you just had a good laugh, please subscribe because I've got numerous musical projects gaining steam and making headway. I'll definitely try to release everything before accounting takes over my life fulltime in September.

Kudos (or props) if you made it through the whole vlog -- it was long to film and even longer to edit. Thank goodness for Grade 11 Commtech.

Questions & Answers.

"How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change." - Elizabeth Lesser's 'Broken Open'

To be honest, I've been meaning to write about this for a while now, but I've just been putting it off because coming to terms with the realness of the situation just seems so final. And so I've been denying and kind of dragging out the foregone conclusion for months now without any sort of conviction or full-heartedness in whatever direction I took.

I've said it before, the seemingly easy choice is to live in the past and desperately cling onto something that might not be there anymore because we feel it can be justified with truths that we believe to be steadfast and everlasting. The problem is that sometimes we fail to recognize what was so strongly evident before may have just been a fleeting moment in the air of the night and no longer tangible anymore. Let's not kid ourselves, the realities of a year ago, a month ago, and even a week ago has no guarantee of holding true tomorrow. Time never waits for anyone, and neither does change.

---

Ever since I was young, I’ve been incessantly fixated on knowing the why’s and how’s of life –- why the sky is blue, why two times two is four, why my goldfishes are upside down, why things end up the way they do, etc.

Since then, I've grown up and graduated, but I don't think I've made any compromises -- I still search for closure and thirst for knowledge to every aspect of my life. But recently I'm beginning to learn that while the questions are legitimate, sometimes there just aren't any answers. Things happen in life because they do -- no why’s or how’s are given because there is absolutely no way, and subsequently no need, for us to understand it when we are so caught up in the moment. Even if the answers existed, we’d be talking too loud and complaining too much to hear the whispers of truth anyways.

I guess I’ve gotten tired, and begrudingly, I've come to accept that there’s really no point in chasing for answers that nobody has. Look, sometimes it just doesn’t work out and no matter how deep you dig, you won’t find what you’re looking for. Accept it for what it is instead of what you want it to be, and move on. What's the use of finger pointing when there really isn't anyone to blame? I gave the best of me and I have to understand that it just wasn't enough, that's all.

So, thank you for the lessons. None of them were easy, but all of them were worth it. There’s a reason why it’s called our lives – we are entitled to our own decisions and we have to live with them whether we want to or not. You made yours pretty clear, and I guess it’s about time I stopped stalling and made mine as well.

...perfect.

Stay Classy, CB.

For all those Chris Bosh supporters who stand by the fact that he was a class act and someone who was loyal to our team for seven years, please, don't judge a player by the facade he displays to the media.

Here's a story from Yahoo Sports detailing the now-infamous exit by CB4.. CB1? Whatever.

It's not that I question Bosh's commitment and what he gave us during his tenure, but it's often said that when it's time to part ways, that's when people's true nature exposes themselves. CB had every right to choose a new environment and a new organization to continue his career -- that's his prerogative. The nature of how he left is the unsettling point. While at some point, he probably loved the Raptors and wanted to stay with the fans, it's clear now that those feelings were scattered to the wind when the summer of 2010 arrived. There's no point remaining bitter and hung up though, it was a good run while it lasted, right?

It may sound cliched, but it still rings true in basketball and in life -- we should forgive, but never forget.

Chris Bosh left us by checking out early and tweeting like a little schoolgirl. Good for him. We can do better, and we will.

Sorry, couldn't resist one last parting shot.

This Made My Day.

Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski on why Lebron James did not choose Chicago:

"For everything the Bulls tried to sell – from owner Jerry Reinsdorf to GM Gar Forman to coach Tom Thibodeau – there had been one thing that troubled James about the Bulls pitch: Derrick Rose never called and tried to recruit him. Chicago officials never directly requested Rose to reach out with a call, and the young point guard felt James could’ve always reached out to him had he wanted to discuss the possibility of playing together. James needed to be courted, needed to be wooed and apparently it surprised him there was a star who wasn’t falling over himself to do that."

Hell yeah, that's my boy. Don't ever sell out, DRose.

Regret.

"Regret" - Victor Lu
Download mp3 here.

Like I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I've been writing a lot since I got back from my trip -- at least enough bars to fill several songs, and I promised I would definitely share them with everyone once I felt ready. I actually debated and second guessed myself a lot on whether to release this track or not, and in the end I chose to because it was the one that meant the most to me. It's pretty personal and addresses a lot of issues that I pretty much swept under the rug over the last few years and decided to avoid talking about. It's also the first song I've completely written, recorded and released by myself in almost three years. The inspiration for this one came to me one night and I wrote it all in one sitting and recorded it the next day. I will say this -- I completely underestimated the difficulty in rapping for over 3 minutes straight without making a mistake. There are a few rough patches but out of the 40-some takes I took, this was the only complete one.

Hindsight is always 20/20, and because of that, regret is always going to be something that everyone has to live with. What I learned is that the only way to overcome regret is to take ownership of your mistakes and to become accountable to what you've been avoiding all along. Then, we just need to have the strength and peace with ourselves to let go of the past, embrace the present and anticipate the future.

For those that may feel offended by the content, I first want to apologize, and then I want to challenge you to understand the meaning behind the lyrics. If you still can't get it, then grow up -- I could care less what you think in the end. Don't get it twisted, for once I didn't do this for anyone else. This one's purely for me.

Learning.

It's been two days into my new job and I can honestly say that my fatigue rivals what I felt when I had to go to the Expo in Shanghai for three straight days during my trip this summer. The commute is bad -- 2 hours there and back, the pay is minimum wage, and the standing in blistering heat for 9 hours doesn't exactly make me feel better. I'm eerily reminded by the stinging pain in my heel of the summer when I had plantar fasciitis (you can google that). I've done some crazy jobs in the past and I would put this one right up there (but slightly better) than selling golf coupons door to door, but slightly worse than selling knives from home to home. I think it's comparable to working in a computer warehouse unloading CRT monitors though -- that was one hell of a summer.

For those that don't know, I recently took a job as a fundraiser on behalf of the Canadian Cancer Society to canvas for donations downtown during the week. Yes, I'm one of those extremely disliked people that I fully admit to shafting when I was on the other side of the coin. I don't think anyone can really prepare you for the grueling task of standing on a busy street in mid 30 degrees weather asking people if they have time to stop and chat so you can try to convince them to donate to charity on a monthly basis.

During some stretches of my long day, I ask myself, "Vic, what the hell were you thinking taking this job? You start full-time work as an accountant at Deloitte in September, so why are you spending a blistering hot summer out on the streets everyday for 9 hours begging people for money?" Believe me when I say sometimes I have no answer to why I suddenly decided to turn my lifestyle upside down. The job isn't exactly easy by any means, and while I said I needed a change of pace, sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by it. It is physically and mentally draining, but in the end, it is a challenge I would like to see myself overcoming. My manager said during training that if you can succeed in this job, you can succeed in anything.

The Good
Every canvasser has to go through a 5 day evaluation period where they must raise a minimum of $160 in monthly donations (we don't take one time gifts). After my first day, I PAC'ed $85 from 2 people, which was surprisingly nice. The second day I only had $10, but the positive out of being able to PAC $95 in two days is the self confidence to believe that "Hey, I think I can do this.." I guess all that smiling for tips at Baskin Robbins really paid off.

The Bad
Did I mention the minimum wage, the standing and the heat already? Oh, I did? Well take all those things and couple it with the fact that some people who walk by you think of you as less than human; like you're the gum on the bottom of their shoe. They think so less of you that many don't even bother to acknowledge your presence. I've seen old ladies scream at my colleagues, people flip us off, threaten us and use various derogatory terms that are pretty personal even though everyone says not to take it seriously. Buddy, we canvas for a not-for-profit charity organization trying to fight cancer for those who have contracted the illness and for those that might in the future. We are not trying to rob you or sell you anything, and yet some people still believe in the fact that there's a conspiracy that the cure for cancer has already been found and organizations like the CCS are just clever corporate cash cows. Why don't you tell that business model to my aunt and cousin in China who lost a husband and a father to pancreatic cancer? Sometimes the insensitivity of Canadians infuriate me. We generally are considered compassionate, but that facade really comes to light when you witness firsthand the selfishness of our society and the heartlessness of a collective city.

The Lessons
1. Humility - Sometimes I'm susceptible to subconsciously feeling like I am above others when I have superior ability or past achievements based on the fact that having self confidence has been ingrained into my nature. This job has served as a good reminder by putting myself in a position to be talked or looked down upon to realize that as a Christian, I need to humble myself to the world. Am I better than you? Maybe, but I will never explicitly give you the dirty look that tell you I believe that. Now that I can speak from experience, trust me when I say that there aren't many feelings worse than that.

2. Tolerance - When I was little, my mom always told me to stand up for myself and not let anybody push me around. I might have taken that advice to heart a bit too much. I've always had a pretty quick temper and a hard time letting things go. This is especially evident with my sharp mouth and my hotheadedness when I'm on the court. It is definitely something I've been working on lately -- to be a better person in general. Less drama in life, no technical fouls during the season, more mature mindset and outlook etc. While I've never been shy in public, I've also never been glared at, completely ignored, or treated like dirt by so many people so many times in a single day. It is an effective test to gauge my mettle to shrug off offensive gestures, insults and actions, put a smile on my face and begin anew with the next one. Undoubtedly, there will be many cases of failed plans, challenges and difficulties in life. This experience will help me not be shackled by them for too long, and to be able to forgive and move on when I feel that I've been wronged. To hold on when there is nothing left is a complete waste of effort, and so not worth it.

3. Selflessness - As an only child, my parents have always put me in the centre of their lives. I didn't have a lot growing up because we were so poor back then, but my family always gave me all of them when they could. I wouldn't say I'm spoiled, but I do feel like I have a sense of entitlement that I need to shed as I mature and grow older. While there are days I regret my decision, ultimately I feel refreshed doing something for others for a change. Do I need the money? Of course not, what can minimum wage less transportation costs really grant me that is so much more abundant than what I make at the Pet Valu Helpdesk? Do I need the job? I start full-time work at Deloitte in 2 months, so my career has already been planned for the next few years. For once, I am doing something that isn't purely self-guided. Although my intentions were to escape the cocoon lifestyle of self-wallowing that I was trapped in since I got back from my trip, sometimes I catch myself wondering, "Is God proud of me that I took this experience?" He put me here and gave me this opportunity for a reason, so instead of living in the past or waiting for the future, why don't I enjoy the moment for once?

Conclusion:
All in all, I might not last that long with this new job, and it is definitely temporary, but I feel like God has taught me a lot these last two days and that the experience itself was something that I had to try myself to really understand and mature as a person. Yes it's frustrating, it's tiring and it's difficult, but at the same time, rewards don't come for free. If I can say that I left this position a better man, then I think it would have been worth the fight. It's my last summer off before the real world hits -- what better way to spend the time than to use it to become a more well-rounded and complete Christian?

P.S.
I finally had the chance to meet up with my old pastor last night, who was one of the most influential mentors I had when I was growing up as a teenager. I hadn't seen him in about 4 years since I left Zion, but I guess it didn't matter whether I was 16 or 22, our relationship never really changed. While he didn't tell me anything that I didn't know already, he helped me accept those things for what they really are -- the truth. The rest is up to me to maintain that focus and not lose sight of the path I am supposed to be on. I can't really return the favour, so I guess if you're reading this Hafsen, for now I'll just say;

thanks.