Questions & Answers.

"How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change." - Elizabeth Lesser's 'Broken Open'

To be honest, I've been meaning to write about this for a while now, but I've just been putting it off because coming to terms with the realness of the situation just seems so final. And so I've been denying and kind of dragging out the foregone conclusion for months now without any sort of conviction or full-heartedness in whatever direction I took.

I've said it before, the seemingly easy choice is to live in the past and desperately cling onto something that might not be there anymore because we feel it can be justified with truths that we believe to be steadfast and everlasting. The problem is that sometimes we fail to recognize what was so strongly evident before may have just been a fleeting moment in the air of the night and no longer tangible anymore. Let's not kid ourselves, the realities of a year ago, a month ago, and even a week ago has no guarantee of holding true tomorrow. Time never waits for anyone, and neither does change.

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Ever since I was young, I’ve been incessantly fixated on knowing the why’s and how’s of life –- why the sky is blue, why two times two is four, why my goldfishes are upside down, why things end up the way they do, etc.

Since then, I've grown up and graduated, but I don't think I've made any compromises -- I still search for closure and thirst for knowledge to every aspect of my life. But recently I'm beginning to learn that while the questions are legitimate, sometimes there just aren't any answers. Things happen in life because they do -- no why’s or how’s are given because there is absolutely no way, and subsequently no need, for us to understand it when we are so caught up in the moment. Even if the answers existed, we’d be talking too loud and complaining too much to hear the whispers of truth anyways.

I guess I’ve gotten tired, and begrudingly, I've come to accept that there’s really no point in chasing for answers that nobody has. Look, sometimes it just doesn’t work out and no matter how deep you dig, you won’t find what you’re looking for. Accept it for what it is instead of what you want it to be, and move on. What's the use of finger pointing when there really isn't anyone to blame? I gave the best of me and I have to understand that it just wasn't enough, that's all.

So, thank you for the lessons. None of them were easy, but all of them were worth it. There’s a reason why it’s called our lives – we are entitled to our own decisions and we have to live with them whether we want to or not. You made yours pretty clear, and I guess it’s about time I stopped stalling and made mine as well.

...perfect.